Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
