Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize