I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
