I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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