dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
