WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
