Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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