he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
