she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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