Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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