I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
