How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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