I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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