I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
