My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
