fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
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