I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
