I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
