She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
