i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
