New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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