You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
