my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im holly from the hills drunk
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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