you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
