I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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