He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
