I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
