I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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