Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
tell me about the eggs
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
