Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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