You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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