i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
