Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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