could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
