I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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