My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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