i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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