you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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