She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
