I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
