After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
