He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
