I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize