He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
