My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I woke up under a house in Key West
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