If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
