Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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