would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
