The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
