your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
