Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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