so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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