I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
