YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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