epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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