I think I am morally bankrupt
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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