I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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