3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
