therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
