There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
