Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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