Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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