So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
