I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
