All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
