remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
