And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
