I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize