All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
