she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
