I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
