its not stalking. its research.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
