Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
