help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Randomize
