trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
