how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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