that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
