Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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