fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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