I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize