By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
