did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
