9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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