Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
