I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize